Something occured to me today and I thought it was interesting enough to post.
I used to try and find my happiness through other people.
I am not proud of myself for that, it was an endless road of suffering really. I would connect with friends in school and college and become interested in their hobbies/music/lifestyle/etc..
I saw that these hobbies/music/lifestyle/etc.. made my friends seem unique, whole, happy.
I wanted that and not knowingly or intentionally I would somehow become interested and passionate about the same things my friends were passionate about.
Some people call this being very impressionable. Perhaps.
But I was just always searching for myself. Looking for happiness. My home life wasn't horrible, but it wasn't perfect. I've always felt lost.
Like I needed something to ground me. Ive tried so many things looking for this groundedness.
I even found myself doing this through my yoga practice. Quickly latching onto things I see create happiness in others.
I truly believe that for the first time in my life I am content with myself, with where I am and where I am going.
I feel that the reason I am so happy with this is because for the first time it is truly myself shining through. It is my true self and it has taken a lot of work to get here. I am not blissed out all the time, but the times in which I feel true happiness and peace are coming to me more often and more intensely.
I owe this my teachers. I consider my teachers all those I've come in contact with.
- My husband (who always tries to remind me to focus on right now and to not freak out so much)
- Chai (she teaches me patience and how to love unconditionally)
- My Asana practice (with its endless amount of humility and ego checking plus it makes me feel alive)
- Nicole (I have to get mushy and say you were brought into my life randomly and I honestly believe you were meant to be one of my most influential teachers)
True happiness is honoring yourself and truly finding what makes you happy. Even if people think I am a little out there.
Plus, latching onto others desires is an endless journey that brings you right back to the start again. Take the time rather to tend to the garden within yourself. Plant the seeds, tend to them, harvest them.
Find yourself and honor it. Individuality is beautiful.
I am reminded that karma does come back around in the most interesting of forms.