Chitta Vritti

Sutra 1-2 The restraint of the modifications of the mind-stuff is yoga.
Yogash chitta vritti nirodhah: Yoga is the restraint (control, mastery) of the modifications (changes, movement, thought-forms) of the mind field


The weekend in Asheville was wonderful.
Friday and Saturday we did a lot of Anusara with Barbara Hall.
I had fun playing around with handstand and alot of the principles of Anusara .
Sunday we started with a master class by Stephanie and that was really fun (as always)
We did adjustments and partner stuff throughout the weekend.
Sunday evening we did Iyengar. 1.5 hours on shoulder stand. We did this in groups of 3.

This did remind me that Iyengar is not for me. While I know there are amazing aspects of this practice I like to bring into my practice and his books are wonderful.
The actual practice just doesn't inspire me to get on my mat for some reason.
This was my 3rd time dabbling in Iyengar.

So every weekend I go to Asheville we play around with different styles, the history, anatomy and always going over the sutras and 8 limbs of yoga.

However, I return home confused, conflicted and unsure.
My personal practice is steeped in Ashtanga as taught by SKP Jois (although my direct teachers are Marsha from Balance here in my town and also Kino MacGregor - I've only practiced with her twice but consider her a huge influence on my practice)
Regardless, I find that Ashtanga is what challenges me... and sometimes it challenges me to the point of pure frustration.

So, in this training we are required to journal our daily asana, meditation and pranayama practice.
This was what I wrote today:

"Started with Primary series. I got through the sun salutations and all the way to Paschimottanasana. Then I just stopped. I couldn't go any further. I grabbed my eyebag and went into savasana. I realized i was not in my practice. I was thinking of my teachers and if I would ever impress them. This bothered me and therefore I stepped out of my practice and into rest. Then went into my meditation to clear some of this fog.
The fact that this thought had been my focus during the practice upset me. Why after so long am I still striving to impress anyone?

I am disappointed my head got in the way of my practice. It seems as if I can't figure it out. I try to fit myself into a box or lable. Why do I feel compelled to have to label myself as an "ashtangi" or why do I feel that I need a label at all.

How come other people just know. They've found their practice and never deviate from it. They never question it...they just know. Am I just letting the "head stuff" get in my way.
It is really starting to bother me. I am getting on my own nerves with this and not sure how to get out of this mindset"

Not sure what I got from this, I know I did get frustration. I know by my 7th sun salute I was already fatigued. And that frustrated me.

Some days I overthink things way too much. And today might be one of those days :)
Sometimes our practice is more than just the physical element. It challenges us on different levels.
Why do I stress myself out over such small things like my practice..