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Newnan, Georgia, United States
I am a yoga student continuously studying, taking workshops and practice, practice, practice.
Currently enrolled in a 230hr Yoga Teacher Training. I hope to share that with you here.
Born & raised in the south along the banks of the Mississippi in Louisiana. Married in 2003 and transplanted to Georgia.
A southern Yogini at heart.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Individuality is beautiful.

POSTING AGAIN...Sorry! I typically don't post on the weekdays so my mind is on overdrive and thought I would post this as well :)

Something occured to me today and I thought it was interesting enough to post.

I used to try and find my happiness through other people.
I am not proud of myself for that, it was an endless road of suffering really. I would connect with friends in school and college and become interested in their hobbies/music/lifestyle/etc..
I saw that these hobbies/music/lifestyle/etc.. made my friends seem unique, whole, happy.
I wanted that and not knowingly or intentionally I would somehow become interested and passionate about the same things my friends were passionate about.
Some people call this being very impressionable. Perhaps.
But I was just always searching for myself. Looking for happiness. My home life wasn't horrible, but it wasn't perfect. I've always felt lost.
Like I needed something to ground me. Ive tried so many things looking for this groundedness.
I even found myself doing this through my yoga practice. Quickly latching onto things I see create happiness in others.
I truly believe that for the first time in my life I am content with myself, with where I am and where I am going.
I feel that the reason I am so happy with this is because for the first time it is truly myself shining through. It is my true self and it has taken a lot of work to get here. I am not blissed out all the time, but the times in which I feel true happiness and peace are coming to me more often and more intensely.
I owe this my teachers. I consider my teachers all those I've come in contact with.
  • My husband (who always tries to remind me to focus on right now and to not freak out so much)
  • Chai (she teaches me patience and how to love unconditionally)
  • My Asana practice (with its endless amount of humility and ego checking plus it makes me feel alive)
  • Nicole (I have to get mushy and say you were brought into my life randomly and I honestly believe you were meant to be one of my most influential teachers)
All the teachers I've been able to practice with, all the workshops, everyone I've ever come into contact with. They are all my teachers.

True happiness is honoring yourself and truly finding what makes you happy. Even if people think I am a little out there.
Plus, latching onto others desires is an endless journey that brings you right back to the start again. Take the time rather to tend to the garden within yourself. Plant the seeds, tend to them, harvest them.
Find yourself and honor it. Individuality is beautiful.
I am reminded that karma does come back around in the most interesting of forms.

Just relax inside and be aware

Gosh I am sleepy. It could be due to the rain rolling in.
I think we are going to make stir fry tonight.

I've been reading some material I brought home from Asheville and some of the book I got by Erich Schiffman "The Spirit & Practice of Moving into Stillness"

I decided to go to his website and read this long but VERY intereting Interview. You can read the whole thing here.
However a piece of the interview really really jumped out at me. I feel that part of this shows where I've been. Why I've been "fighting" within myself and part of the interview moves towards where I believe I am (or where I am beginning to go)

I feel that the first question addresses my frustration in regards to how "blissed out" we typically feel after class and the pain I felt leaving Asheville and that yoga bubble. How it is frustrates me that I want to live in that bliss all the time and can only seem to recreate it on the mat or with certain teachers. But this sheds some light on where it is all really headed in a sense. So I really enjoyed this.
The whole interview is really interesting and his book will be a nice guide and compliment to everything I am learning.

The following is an excerpt from an interview with Erich Schiffmann.

Q: When I come to your house I feel whole just being in the environment. It is always very healing. There is a strong sense of presence here and all the things you have described manifest readily for me. But what about when I go into the marketplace of my life, the world of my work, my relationships and interactions... ? How can I not lose that sense of something extraordinary that I have been able to touch through yoga and being here? How can I hold that, or still have the sense of that, and still be out in the world?

That is certainly the challenge. And all you can do is try. If you try, you will achieve. For now, clock in as much time as you can when you can. Sufficient quantitative exposure will eventually effect a qualitative change, and then your question will disappear because you will be in it more of the time. Until then you will experience more and more discomfort when you are not in that space. In other words, the more you experience the natural joy of being, the more of a contrast it will be when you are not experiencing it.

Q: You mean more painful?

Yes. And that will spur you on. And that's good. But you cannot withdraw from life. That does not work. You therefore challenge yourself to bring this quality into the world so that you can be in it more of the time, wherever you are and at all times. This is life-promoting. It is good for you and good for everyone. It brings satisfaction and fulfillment. It' s a matter of learning to be centered in action. But before you can be centered in action, you must learn to be centered in non-action when you are home and alone.

Q: Are you saying that one should continue to be active and responsible in the world in the ways that are required of one and, at the same time, give as much attention as possible to yoga and meditation and being in the no-conflict place so that it becomes more of a reality for me?

Yes. So it permeates the whole of your life. I mean, that is the whole point. The world will then become a more obvious manifestation of goodness.

Q: Because it is hard, as you well know. The world is not set up to support those qualities of stillness, quiet awareness, and reverence for life.

I know. But I also know that the more you feel the creative God Force in yourself, the more you will feel both your power and your safety. And you'll therefore become more confident, hopeful, relaxed and realistically optimistic. Your power is the creative power of Life flowing through you. When you feel it, you will intuitively understand that not only can you use this power to shape your experience and external circumstances, but that you have been doing so all along. We are constantly pulling things and events into materialization. That is how we are built. We have been given the gift of creativity. The idea is to now do it consciously, guided from within.

Q: How?

Think of it like this. Things happen from the inside out. Therefore, if you are experiencing excessive conflict in your life it is always because you are not clear about what you really want. You are therefore putting out intense but contradictory instructions that then manifest as conflict. The manifested conflict, however, is the perfect materialization of conflicting desires. Your conflicting desires created conflict. But this has not made you happy. Therefore, clarify. Clarify your desires and clarify your purpose. Discover what you really want. But do this by listening inwardly. Don't just come to intellectual conclusions about what you think you want. Get quiet and listen for your deepest desires, like a wave listening to the ocean. Pay attention inwardly. Your life circumstances will then reflect your clarified intent.

Q: And come into harmony?

Yes. But you must clarify. In other words, what do you really want? And how much do you want it? These are important questions, and you are answering them all the time. Most of the time, though, we are not consciously aware of what our answers are. Nor are we aware that we have several answers, often conflicting. Once you clarify what you want, the means will become apparent.

Q: So, this stillness that is here now... what brings it about? Or allows it to be?

Receptivity, acceptance, letting it happen. It is already here. Just relax inside and be aware. You see, what you are looking for is already within you. Therefore, simply pay attention to your own being. Let yourself be you and be there for the experience. You will thereby come upon the inner joy. You will then be convinced, and you will feel good inside about who you are. Return to Top

Q: Is that what you mean by self-trust? You feel more at ease with yourself and therefore trust yourself more, and therefore you are able to step out into the world and accomplish or attempt things that you would not have been so willing to do before?

Yes. Especially once you consciously experience the energy you are made of. It becomes easy to trust yourself when you know that at your core is Love and Goodness, and that there is nothing untrustworthy in there. Therefore, if you are attracted to something, or feel compelled to do something, or have the impulse to follow a spontaneous and uncalculated Interest, you can now dare to do so without fear or hesitation. This is how the universe guides you. In other words, universal guidance will be experienced by you as your deepest impulses to do or be.

Therefore, clarify your deepest desires by listening deeply within yourself to see what they are, and then trust the thoughts, impulses, life circumstances, people, desires and attractions that arise spontaneously in your mind and life as guidance. These are the inner communications coming from the universe. Remember, you are not a separate energy. You are an individuated expression of the One. Therefore, the messages that come from beyond lie in the feelings and impulses that arise from within as well as in the circumstances and life situations you encounter,

Patience

I miss Asheville--
This weekend was productive so far. Saturday I got up and headed to get my brakes done. It was not the most pleasent experience. I called on Wed. to make the 7:00 AM appointment and got the price for my car (it is a 2006 Jetta TDI--so not every dealer carries the parts for my car for some reason)
Anyway, they had the parts and they gave me the quote. I told him the issue; he responded saying it was probably the rear brakes because most TDI's wear through those faster. Sure enough 4 hours later and only replacing the rear brakes cost me $160...which was more than the $99 he quoted on the phone after we had this in-depth conversation. Frustrating.
Denver & I ran errands while they had my car. We went through 2 garden centers discussing ideas for plants and such. We will probably stick with potted plants this year; Cucumbers, Kale and maybe watermelon (talking to Nicole made me want to grow these...because we juice those items so often)
We might get the plants that are already sprouting to help speed up the process.

After getting my car we picked up some groceries and came home. Denver tried to fix our lawnmower with no luck, so we ended up having to weedeat most of the yard to keep it in check until he can get it fixed or get a new one.
I then cleaned the house top to bottom--which really needed it. Finally I showered and relaxed. We watched TV and stayed up for SNL. It was actually funny this time!
This morning I made homemade Banana Panckes, Hashbrowns and Chai Tea. We are trying to stay away from too much soy. Everything has soy in it. Denver has to get some tests run with rheumatologist. We have been going to so many doctors and having so many tests run. The symptoms sound familiar to his issues: Joint pain, muscule fatigue and inflamation.
His hips and lower back always hurt and his muscles give out and get very very tired.
So lets cross our fingers we get this thing figured out!! I did read that sometimes symptoms can be reduced but reducing intake of Soy. So we are giving it a go.

On the yoga front: I am starting to teach next Saturday at LA Fitness. It will not be every weekend because of Denvers race schedule. But I think I will be teaching a weekday 6:15AM class and a 5:15PM class. It will be different having to modify to teach in a gym. Not sure if starting with OM and ending with namaste will work and I know which poses they want me to avoid. Plus no props. I never used to have props (Ashtanga) but spending a week in Asheville we always had them. So I have to re-remember how to do that. When I was teaching to co-workers they didn't have props either.
I am a little nervous, hoping people gaine something from it...

Also yoga related:
I love my Prana mat. I just wish I could lug it to class with me but it is heavy.
I miss Asheville and Stephanie. I didn't think I would have liked Asheville that much and I went there not thinking I was going to love Stephanie's Teaching style. I went open-minded but wasn't really going thinking I would come back like this.
I don't know what the heck happened over those 5 days, but I really can't wait to practice and study with her again.
I think they put something in the water! lol
I keep trying to tell myself I can save up the $3000-$3500 it would take to do her training next year (for tuition, lodging and food) either in Asheville or Chatnooga. But it is typical me to not be patient. It frustrates me, but I have no other choice and I truly need to just practice and trust and see how things fall. If it is meant to happen next year then it will.

I am off to relax and read and maybe some practice (my right arm is a little sore from being over-used while weed-eating yesterday)
So maybe a practice without too many chattarunga's.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Stillness

Worked late tonight.
Talked to Nicole on my way home.
Made dinner and loved on Chai.
Read a little and wanted to share this:
"Remember, Yoga is a way of moving into stillness in order to experience the truth of who you are. The practice of yoga is the practice of meditation - or inner listening - in the poses and meditations, as well as all day long. It's a matter of listening inwardly for guidance all the time, and then daring enough and trusting enough to do as you are prompted to do..."
Erich Schiffman

I purchased his book while in Asheville. I have all the books minus The Breathing Book and The Back Care Basics for Stephanie Keach's 240 hour teacher training. I am still thinking about different things. But it would be neat to at least read the matierial in the next year in case I do decide to do the teacher training in 2010.
Besides that, I am excited to get back on my mat this weekend and possibly dropping-in for weekly Anusara classes.
Also, I did get the teaching position with LA Fitness. I will teach a few times a week. Just a basic 1 hour yoga class. So that is a challenge and the brand new facility opened up last week literally across the street from my office. So I get a free membership as well.

Not much else to report besides my house needs a good cleaning and I am getting new brakes on Saturday! :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Developing Devotion- Kino MacGregor

This is exactly how I feel/think/now--living my life:

Developing Devotion -by Kino MacGregor

A yoga posture demonstrated by a master level practitioner is often the epitome of grace and ease. Yet when the novice student attempts to mirror these same movements the degree of difficulty is immediately evident. The real test of a yoga practitioner comes when the path ahead is laid out clearly and the student choose whether to commits to each step of the journey regardless of difficulty.
While the inner path is sometimes arduous, long and painful, it is also immensely rewarding, filled with timeless joy and one of the only sources of real, lasting peace. Each practitioner of yoga goes through periods of injury, pain and discomfort but not every practitioner has the dedication, heart and courage to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Those who maintain a relationship with their practice over a number of years begin to understand just how much it takes to make yoga a lifelong practice. There are moments of doubt, intense suffering and emotional turmoil as well as moments of bliss, ecstasy and realization. What commitment to yoga over a lifetime really demands is total devotion.
It is through the practice of dedicating yourself to your yoga practice everyday regardless of pain or pleasure that you learn the meaning of devotion. By traversing the murky jungle of the body and mind through yoga you develop the strength and fortitude of spirit needed to face life with dignity. By devoted yourself totally to the path of yoga you learn what it really means to surrender yourself to something. Before that moment of complete dedication there is always the chance to pull out, draw back or quit. But when you devoted yourself wholly your intention, energy and spirit moves mountains to create the real possibility of transformation. It is through the power of devotion that yoga changes your life.
When I started practicing yoga I was not a naturally strong person but I was deeply inspired by the masterful articulation of handstands and arm balances. For nearly five years I devoted myself entirely to the study of yoga with a special emphasis on the development of strength and steadiness in the body and mind. It is because I lived and died for strength in my yoga practice for a number of years that I now consider myself much stronger. It is because I followed the path of yoga through injury, pain, doubt, discomfort and disillusion all the way through into peace, joy, acceptance and love that I now share what I have learned through teaching. It is yoga that lead me to discover my own inner strength, a quiet voice that was always there though I did not know how to awaken it. When you begin your practice you will learn how ready you are to be truly devoted to yourself and to yoga. When you commit yourself fully to your chosen goal, be it in your yoga practice or in the world, there is nothing that can stop you.
A lifetime commitment to yoga teaches you the power of the deepest level of devotion. Whether you practice six days a week or only two times a week as long as yoga remains in your life over time you will delve deeper into the inner world and know what it means to fully surrender yourself to the path of yoga. When you are able to maintain your attention on your deepest dreams with the type of unwavering focus and heartfelt dedication that yoga teaches you, then you will also know the exhilarating feeling of actualizing your dreams in the world.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back...the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, being it. Boldness h as genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Working World

There is no slacking after vacation....No Way!
Yesterday was intense at work. Email issues and catch up.
Today I had a 1/2 day in order to get my CPR certification (in hopes of teaching yoga once a week or so at LA Fitness) I have an audtion with LA fitness this week. I am not sure if I want to take it yet or if they want to hire me yet. I am going to feel it out when I meet the director and go from there.
Also I might teach once a month at the Zen Center I go to. It was an idea from one of the members there. However, I have not commited to anything as of yet and I am not sure I will either. I am not going to lock myself into anything.
My main focus is to continue to grow in my personal practice and to learn, learn, learn. I want to read as much as possible and practice. If I can teach once a week that would be nice. But it isn't my main focus.
I took Monday off the mat and went to Meditation with Denver and then grabbed dinner at Whole Foods.
I am still playing catch-up at work. I am sure that will continue on until Friday!
Chai needs a bath, I need food and I am pretty sleepy today.

One more thing about the audition; I haven't had a moment to even think of what to teach, so I will wing it. Or as Stephanie says "Just trust"
By the way; I have a complete yoga-crush on my teacher! lol She is inspiring to me and so down to earth. So be prepared to read more yoga-related gushing and all that positive stuff! :)
Oh yes and my new yoga mat from Prana is awesomeness...just VERY heavy! But it is super sticky and very wide! I love it.
Not much else going on. Just getting used to being back in the working world.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Blissed out from Asheville!!!

I had an amazing time in Asheville. I learned alot about yoga, teaching, myself and my practice.
I found an amazing teacher within Stephanie and there is so much I want to share but not certain I could express it here in a manner that could really translate my happiness, my excitement and my groundedness. I am not even sure this even will make sense.
Regardless, it was a great trip with lots of sweaty 2 hour yoga practices, lots of teaching and I opened upso much emotionally, physically and really feel like I've moved forward on so many levels.
I am blessed, lucky and not taking any of this forgranted.
In a snap shot here is my week in a nutshell!

(Stephanie & I) She is truly amazing!
I feel like I found home.

Much more pictures to come and more stories to share about the postures Stephanie got me into inclding locust and forearm balance.
Not sure I could recreate any of that without help!!!
I am also sure I talked Nicole's ear off for a solid hour about the entire experience on my 5 hour drive home!! :)

PLUS I came home to my new Yoga mat and to this wonderful alter my husband put together. How lovely!