Gosh I am sleepy. It could be due to the rain rolling in.
I think we are going to make stir fry tonight.
I've been reading some material I brought home from Asheville and some of the book I got by
Erich Schiffman "The Spirit & Practice of Moving into Stillness"
I decided to go to his website and read this long but VERY intereting Interview.
You can read the whole thing here.
However a piece of the interview really really jumped out at me. I feel that part of this shows where I've been. Why I've been "fighting" within myself and part of the interview moves towards where I believe I am (or where I am beginning to go)
I feel that the first question addresses my frustration in regards to how "blissed out" we typically feel after class and the pain I felt leaving Asheville and that yoga bubble. How it is frustrates me that I want to live in that bliss all the time and can only seem to recreate it on the mat or with certain teachers. But this sheds some light on where it is all really headed in a sense. So I really enjoyed this.
The whole interview is really interesting and his book will be a nice guide and compliment to everything I am learning.
The following is an excerpt from an interview with Erich Schiffmann. Q: When I come to your house I feel whole just being in the environment. It is always very healing. There is a strong sense of presence here and all the things you have described manifest readily for me. But what about when I go into the marketplace of my life, the world of my work, my relationships and interactions... ? How can I not lose that sense of something extraordinary that I have been able to touch through yoga and being here? How can I hold that, or still have the sense of that, and still be out in the world?
That is certainly the challenge. And all you can do is try. If you try, you will achieve. For now, clock in as much time as you can when you can. Sufficient quantitative exposure will eventually effect a qualitative change, and then your question will disappear because you will be in it more of the time. Until then you will experience more and more discomfort when you are not in that space. In other words, the more you experience the natural joy of being, the more of a contrast it will be when you are not experiencing it.
Q: You mean more painful?
Yes. And that will spur you on. And that's good. But you cannot withdraw from life. That does not work. You therefore challenge yourself to bring this quality into the world so that you can be in it more of the time, wherever you are and at all times. This is life-promoting. It is good for you and good for everyone. It brings satisfaction and fulfillment. It' s a matter of learning to be centered in action. But before you can be centered in action, you must learn to be centered in non-action when you are home and alone.
Q: Are you saying that one should continue to be active and responsible in the world in the ways that are required of one and, at the same time, give as much attention as possible to yoga and meditation and being in the no-conflict place so that it becomes more of a reality for me?
Yes. So it permeates the whole of your life. I mean, that is the whole point. The world will then become a more obvious manifestation of goodness.
Q: Because it is hard, as you well know. The world is not set up to support those qualities of stillness, quiet awareness, and reverence for life.
I know. But I also know that the more you feel the creative God Force in yourself, the more you will feel both your power and your safety. And you'll therefore become more confident, hopeful, relaxed and realistically optimistic. Your power is the creative power of Life flowing through you. When you feel it, you will intuitively understand that not only can you use this power to shape your experience and external circumstances, but that you have been doing so all along. We are constantly pulling things and events into materialization. That is how we are built. We have been given the gift of creativity. The idea is to now do it consciously, guided from within.
Q: How?
Think of it like this. Things happen from the inside out. Therefore, if you are experiencing excessive conflict in your life it is always because you are not clear about what you really want. You are therefore putting out intense but contradictory instructions that then manifest as conflict. The manifested conflict, however, is the perfect materialization of conflicting desires. Your conflicting desires created conflict. But this has not made you happy. Therefore, clarify. Clarify your desires and clarify your purpose. Discover what you really want. But do this by listening inwardly. Don't just come to intellectual conclusions about what you think you want. Get quiet and listen for your deepest desires, like a wave listening to the ocean. Pay attention inwardly. Your life circumstances will then reflect your clarified intent.
Q: And come into harmony?
Yes. But you must clarify. In other words, what do you really want? And how much do you want it? These are important questions, and you are answering them all the time. Most of the time, though, we are not consciously aware of what our answers are. Nor are we aware that we have several answers, often conflicting. Once you clarify what you want, the means will become apparent.
Q: So, this stillness that is here now... what brings it about? Or allows it to be?
Receptivity, acceptance, letting it happen. It is already here. Just relax inside and be aware. You see, what you are looking for is already within you. Therefore, simply pay attention to your own being. Let yourself be you and be there for the experience. You will thereby come upon the inner joy. You will then be convinced, and you will feel good inside about who you are. 
Q: Is that what you mean by self-trust? You feel more at ease with yourself and therefore trust yourself more, and therefore you are able to step out into the world and accomplish or attempt things that you would not have been so willing to do before?
Yes. Especially once you consciously experience the energy you are made of. It becomes easy to trust yourself when you know that at your core is Love and Goodness, and that there is nothing untrustworthy in there. Therefore, if you are attracted to something, or feel compelled to do something, or have the impulse to follow a spontaneous and uncalculated Interest, you can now dare to do so without fear or hesitation. This is how the universe guides you. In other words, universal guidance will be experienced by you as your deepest impulses to do or be.
Therefore, clarify your deepest desires by listening deeply within yourself to see what they are, and then trust the thoughts, impulses, life circumstances, people, desires and attractions that arise spontaneously in your mind and life as guidance. These are the inner communications coming from the universe. Remember, you are not a separate energy. You are an individuated expression of the One. Therefore, the messages that come from beyond lie in the feelings and impulses that arise from within as well as in the circumstances and life situations you encounter,
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